July 2008.

Even though July is not yet over, but I decided I will write about it now. The reason behind this is that the remaining week in July will probably be just like the previous three weeks – and that’s exactly why I fucking love this month.

July 2008 is the intermission month after my graduation and before the start of my white-collar career. I didn’t really make any plans for it but I felt that it’s going to be different. I thought I’d find ways to indulge in the summer frenzy or do things that have been pending for a long time because of university obligations, like having that planned photo shoot for example – but to be honest; I didn’t do anything out of what I planned. This month has been spent in absolute dumbness and extreme sloth. No energy whatsoever was exerted, not to do anything memorable nor to even try to think of what I want to do. I spent days in bed and nights listening to music and reading lyrics – too lazy to even type on instant messaging applications. I so proudly declare that I failed to finish any of the things I intended to utilize this month of idleness to, like the book and the script. I gave appointments that I got late to, I started reading books that I never finished, I stopped looking at my watch that frequently, I listened to musicians more than I listened to people, I took long showers, sipped on a lot of wine, stared into nothingness, counted my hair and counted trees while riding in slow cars as we drove through without having a real destination. I shut down all my receptors to those who demand me to do things that involve any sort of thinking, like both my parents who each of them has their own vision of what I should do and how I should do it, and like friends who might bring up unpleasant subjects that involve love tales from the past or any social drama. Furthermore, I built a big wall surrounding my senses against bad vibes intentionally forced upon me. And I have done all of that with great persistence and sweaty devotion.

This month is one week away from its death, and I salute it, for all of the idleness and sloth it brought me. I didn’t know what it is to be in total darkness, not knowing what you are doing or where you are going and yet not caring to move a hair to change any of that – till this month came.

I might still have that photo shoot though…