Sanity is easy.

I am the sanest person that you're going to meet. Yes, I tell you, my sanity is something that people sets examples with... all the time. It's true, if you don't believe me go ask anybody we both know, I can give you my parents' numbers too. Everyone enjoys my company, they like it when I speak and when I listen, everyone loves my jokes, I always have a large table with a lot of booze, laughs and people. The people are never the same each year, but it doesn't matter. I have a few flaws - but again, they are made up for by my big table. I mean, it's not a big deal if I cry all the time, is it? Today, I cried when I listened to Massive Attack's "Live With Me". I also cried when I watched the court scene from Kramer Vs. Kramer when Meryl Streep was asked if she thought she was a failure at the most important relationship she ever had. My blanket had cherries, hearts and flowers drawn on it, so I cried. My mother cooked then asked me how I was, so I cried. My father told me that the door porter's son died this morning, so I corrected him and said "you mean the little girl?", he nodded, so I cried. In the elevator, on my desk, in the bathroom, in Aldo - the Korba branch, during conference calls to the United Kingdom and the United States... I am a crying devotee. Sometimes, I am on my way to meet people - who love it when I speak and love it when I listen - but my parents decide to go out as well, so I make a few phone calls pretending I am sick and nauseatic and can't make it to my big table, yes the one with a lot of booze and laughs... so that I can stay home alone and cry. I mean, one wouldn't waste such a chance of uninterrupted crying, would they?

It's easier to win. It's easier to be a healthy woman, with a bright face, shining eyes, expensive perfume and well-done hair. It's also very feasible to lead a healthy relationship, one that's full of big tables that are full of people and laughs, the sounds of cheek kisses, cell phones declaring the arrival of late night messages and choosing the same plate off two different menus. Again, it's a lot easier to smile in photos and to choose to answer your cell phone. Easy to remember the names of the actors rather than the director and easy to have your picture taken rather than take somebody's. I mean, isn't it very easy to call up a friend and blabber thoughts and complaints instead of sending letters to yourself? It's easier to befriend popular women whose photos come up in magazines with a caption saying "ياسمين وميار والجميلات" rather than the girl at the back. The capability to laugh at weakness, that's a piece of cake too, in addition to making fun and public ridicule. It's easier to hate Radiohead and Anathema. Impressing people and having them yearn for the next time they meet you, is also very easy. It's a favored easy thing to make fun of addicts and women and people who are biased-against without any second thoughts. It's easier to go mainstream, to be liked and loved and favored and yearned for. It's easier to be a hero, to be a slave to drama, to make a god out of Ledger because he overdosed... I am a loser - but still the sanest person you're ever going to meet.